friends and enemies

I've been thinking alot about friendships lately. Too much. I worry too much. I worry too much about my friends, and I worry too much that they don't think I do. I worry that I'm a burden to them. I worry that they think they are a burden to me. I worry that my friends will tire of me and move on to someone else who is more interesting, more attractive, funnier, brighter, smarter, more charming, more kind than me. I worry that people trust me too much and I won't be able to do for them what they need to me do. I worry that I can't support them as much as I ask them to support me. I worry I bore them or annoy them or that they aren't really my friends at all.

My friends tell me I worry too much.

I don't really have enemies. At least I don't think I do. There are people I don't like. There are people I don't trust. There are even a few that I might even say, in some ways, I hate. But enemies? No, I don't suppose so.

But I worry I could make them.

I ranted to a friend about something yesterday...something I know she understands, but something that is bitter and unhealthy and angry. Later I apologized. It's not fair of me to throw my anger at her, even if it's just having her listen. I told her it was wrong for me to do that, and I need to rein it in. She said it was fine but it's not.

One of my resolutions this year...maybe my ONLY resolution this year, is to open myself, my heart to love and to express that love. It has been very challenging for me...but fulfilling. And good. Very very good.

So I have friends and I may have enemies, but I need love in my life and that's my goal this year.

Oh and to lose 10 lbs.

:)