struggling...

I struggled a lot this weekend in Madison. The larger group and I had great times and drank too much good beer and ate lots of good (if weird) food (fried cheese curds, anyone?)but some knew I was dealing with some personal problems which caught up to me in a rush at dinner on Saturday night.

By caught up, I mean an anxiety attack while sitting at the table with a few close friends and a lot of acquaintances.

My closest friends have known for a while what's been going on in my life, but I hadn't told them what I was dealing with that day. And honestly...it wasn't so much that it should have been too much for me to bear, but too little sleep, too much beer, too much socializing and being friendly wore me down.

Half way through dinner, I turned to my friend K and said, I can't eat....he asked me if I needed to take a walk. Initially I said no, but when he asked again, I agreed. We stood in the doorway of the restaurant together and I told him what I was upset about it. He consoled me and gave me a hug. He let me sniffle a bit and told me it was ok. He was a much dearer friend that he knows.

A few other friends wandered out to me...they too consoled me, and then let me be so as not to draw too much attention. It's hard to struggle in a crowd...

I crashed and burned in my race on Sunday. Worst race I've ever run. If I actually ran half of the 5.5 miles of marathon relay I was assigned, I'd be surprised. My friend K was there with me again. He said nothing, and just followed my lead. He'd already run a strong 7.1 and he was just there for support. I'm disappointed I didn't do better and embarrassed he knows how miserably I performed. I also know he doesn't care. He loves me anyway.

I'm not the only one who struggled this weekend. Lots of my running crew didn't perform they way they expected or anticipated. The course, the wind, the crowds...who knows what caused many of us to have problems...but many of us did.

Another friend struggled this weekend, continues to struggle with something unrelated to running. His heart will be heavy for a while, but I've tried to help him anyway I can...and will continue to do that. Pay it forward....

R told me in a year, I won't remember the race or my time...I'll only remember the good times with friends. I think he's right up to a point. I think I'll remember the bad times, because it brought many of us closer together. I don't have to worry that people won't help me if I need help...I know they will be there for me. They proved themselves in spades this weekend.

K, M, K, T, R, M, L, K, S, G...I love you and thank you all. A girl couldn't ask for better friends.